蝎子的幸福

 I am down~

who cares? whatever~

I am down~ I know for this life you and I can't be a perfect couple. There are so many people who are suible for each other but cannot make it. maybe suitable is an over-exageration, since no one can give a definition about suitable~ ok, say we have the same pursuit or we have the same personality.

so many people cann't be together with the one they realy love. so in this case, could you promise me a next life?

no, i don't need anyone's promise. i want it, i go for it. someday, maybe in previous life, maybe in the next life, you were mine, but you aren't mine, may you will be mine. or maybe we are over forever.

      今天是我到内蒙古的第一天，车上做了8个小时，窗外的环境从污染到清新再到污染。路上的风沙告诉我们，呼市的沙尘爆很严重。

      晚上的时候没有人叫我们吃饭，by the way，我和一名速记的人员在一起，这是我第一次生活中接触他们。他们的工作不神秘，但比我想想的要难，原来他们使用两只手同时打两个字的。

      晚饭过后接触了一下外宾，拿到了明天会议的相关资料，意识到，homework 都白做了。

 

     做口译，尤其是出差性质的。对于一个女生，需要格外小心。

     路上的时候拍照片，总是没有太好的图片。比不了小雯，拍照水平的高超。

     其实对于这次的出来，我是牺牲了一个星期的课程，从这个角度来说，也不能说是哪个更合算，虽然这个有钱赚。但是，经历了一些场合之后，我还是觉得出来，还是有好处的。

 

     我会努力的。

     我正在努力。

      明成皇后，我最喜欢的音乐，最喜欢的MTV.以至于每次重看一遍，每次都想哭，每次都会哭。我不知道你们是不是能够理解与体会，难以明说，要是问我到底为什么而感动？或许我也不能很清楚的表达，但是，就是那么的感觉触动心弦。

      或许是因为我自命为或许哪一天会有和皇后一样的命运吧，到那时候我希望也能有一为誓死保护我的护卫。

      明成是这样一个人，为了更大的利益，国家的利益，绝对是要牺牲自己的一切，自己的孩子，以及自己的爱情。留下一段段的缺憾，到那时候，我喜欢我的生命能像明成一样，因为这缺憾而美丽，因为这缺憾而令人感动~~

      人在协和，姐姐的宿舍。环境真是好啊，就冲这个，明年说什么也要考上研究生~~

      研究生毕竟是半年之后，还是说说后天的事情吧。后天，蝎子要人生中第一次踏上出差的旅途了。目的地，内蒙古~~周末这两天在家里看了不少资料，心中还是害怕，要是让人家给我轰下来了该怎么办啊？这毕竟是我第一次正式作会务口译的机会啊，我可不想留下什么难以磨灭的惨痛记忆~~然而，我尽量准备吧~~要是还是让人给轰下来了，就说明我水平差太远，我就认了~~

      后天会在哪里，半年之后会在哪里，明年会在哪里，下一站又是在哪里？ 

      明天太遥远，遥远的永远也抓不住，然而，我们却可以把握今天。只有今天真正属于自己~~

      前两天写日记，我突然觉得人的一生其实就是一个度过的过程，一个度过时间的过程，看书也度过时间，游戏也是度过时间，时间总是要过的，那么为什么不选择一种有意义的方式来度过呢？人的一生， 要做有意义的事情~~

I pursue pure freedom. my freedom should be absolutely free. and i cannot forgive someone easily nomatter who s/he is, nomatter how close they are to me. because i have so good memory and i will always remember those painful memories. I may not talk about them so often, but i always remember them. and therefore i will never forgive you nomatter who you are. people always say love can heal everything. but can love make you forget those things ever happened? no, it can't. things happened, happened. no one can erase it. i hate you. just last night, i hate you, i hate you all~!

      刚才看了同学的日志，才知道也许自己患了考后综合症。原来，考后也有综合症，第一次听说。

      如果真的是某种综合症，那么我现在的情况也许只属于初期，而且据我估计，我的情况应该不会恶化了，嗯，理性的分析～

      这些天，情绪，由于托福考试的影响，一直都不好，我猜想这种隐隐的郁闷也许只有等到月第分数出来的时候，才会得到根本的解决。one thing one time~所以，现在先把这个放在一边吧。

      我觉得这次考试，虽然很糟糕，但是真的对我有不小的帮助，我这里不是在虚伪的自我安慰，而是，真的，我真的感觉到了自己心理上的改变。它让我终于有机会静下心来，静静的看一看周围的人和事。从前总是认为自己高高在上，周围的人不是这里不对头，就是那里难以沟通，现在，知道了自己几两重，真的能够更加客观的评价周围的环境了，至少认识到了事物都有两面性。

      晚上的时候，去开党员发展大会，我还有半年就要转正了，这次主要是发展新的同学。里面有我曾经一起工作过的，有我知道现在还十分不喜欢的，也有我不太熟悉的。然而，我真的从心底感到，他们确实都是优秀的。尤其是一位女同学，我就不说她的名字了。由于以前工作的原因，我和她之间有过不小的误会，以至于差点发展到撕破脸的地步。当时，她在我的眼里简直就是一个典型的南方女孩儿，（Opus, no offense)，现在我也仍然觉得如此，不过是在好的一方面。她的智慧，她的坚韧，确实比我成熟了不少。也许是我现在看事物的角度发生了变话，她的那些技巧原来并不可耻，那是聪明的表现。我觉得，我很客观。当然，哈哈，我也有我的优点，她肯定也有羡慕我的地方～

      还是同学的日志，说他对现在的同龄人不以结婚为目的而恋爱，感到痛惜。心里突然好受了好多，我可没读过那么多的书，但是我本能的就一直这么认为的，恋爱的双方应该至少是适宜长久的在一起的，而不仅仅是互相吸引，或者是一个简单的crush。

      最后，我现在想信上帝了。

     我多可悲~

     矛盾的结合体！听到一首感人的歌，我应该哭么？我应该让别人看到我的脆弱么？不应该，那是矫情~悲哀或许是真的，眼泪却都是假的。我不应该哭么？我需要假装坚强么？我很坚强么？人为什么要哭？眼泪的意义是什么？是为了让那个人看到，然后心生怜悯，还是哭给自己，洗刷烦恼？

     周末在家的时候，又看了一遍康熙王朝的最后一集，依旧是眼泪止不住地活络脸颊，或许你们会觉得奇怪，一部康熙王朝，多正的一部戏啊，怎么会，怎么至于？你们不懂，对于我，那是对我的解读。

     我多可悲，明明恨想知道的事情，却硬要披上冷漠的面具，告诉别人也告诉自己，我不在乎。或许这一切都不在有任何意义，突然有些生自己的气，这些七情六欲，本不该是困扰我的事情。怎么可以有人让我停下脚步，七情六欲是小女人的游戏，我不是！！

    向来美丽的只有刹那，没有永远。

    

    走上舞台，放情而忘情的演出，

     然后走下舞台，

     走向人生的下一站。

      有一点很清晰：我不是一个喜欢向别人诉苦的人。就好象现在，眼泪随时都可以滑落脸颊，但是我选择了沉默。已经有三天没有给家里打电话了，呵呵，这对于你们来讲，也许是再正常不过了，然而我不是。可是，说些什么呢？该说些什么呢？托福考成了这个样子，我不知道该说些什么，不能让自己失望的情感被爸爸妈妈感觉到，所以我选择沉默。

      觉得自己特别无助，内心很虚弱，没有力量。从小到大都是这样，没有人可以帮得了我，始终都是我一个人。好像选择胆小一回，选择退缩一回，选择脆弱一会。但，那是我的未来啊，那是我的幸福啊，那是我的人生啊～我怎么可以退缩，怎么可以脆弱，怎么可以逃避？自信的含义原来有这么的广，对于现在的我来讲，它意味着，别人做不到的事情我能做到，它意味着，别人可以逃避的时候，我不可以。我是我自己啊，

      要勇敢，要坚强！

      我想要什么？一直以来，我都在试图改变我生活的环境，我坚信我必须要不断的进入更优秀的环境，才能有质的飞跃。就好像刚才他说的那样，其实道理我一直都懂。

      面对每一个问题，都会有一个很好的解决办法。不要着急，静下心来，一件事一件事的完成，我已经做好准备，做好牺牲与舍弃的准备！

      Gao Shan, you are such a talented girl. You can make it!

      I love my roommates~~~

      I love them very much, from a long time ago. But I wait so long to say this thing out~

      Now I feel that we are really like what those movie series have shown. We talked about many things, many, many~~

Shirly would complain to us about her beloved boyfriend. We all believe that they will make it and yeah, we believe that~~

We will talk about who got the most beautiful brest? Just now some one in this room even told me that she did not think "big" brest is best~~ can I use the word "big", how would you guys describe them? Then I lectured her: Well, despite feeding your future baby, the most important function of you brest is to be beautiful in other's eyes~~(Oh, by the way, I don't think feeding is more important~~) Then who are these "others", The boys~~ Then do boys like "big" ones, Yeah, they do ~~ Then "big" is better~~~

      There are many other things we  can talk, well, of course, boys will always be the hooooooooooooooottest topic~~~In this space, I have talked enough about my love value, just put my work ahead of my life~~like Robin, oh, you guys probabbly have no idea about who  Robin is, any way, just a girl from a movie series~

      Ok, I really love my roommates, because We can talk, I mean really talk~~Sometimes I feel, maybe part of the reason is we are English majors, so our topic can be a little bit "over" sometimes, comparing to the traditional Chinese girls, I mean, we are traditional. We just don't think there's something in the world we cannot talk about~~

      Oh~~There is one thing: We haven't step into this topic: Then who is the best, I mean, on bed?

   

      I haven't wrote about these kind of things before, maybe I will never do that again. Maybe I have suffered too much pressure these days. But those things above they are true. That is what happening in my dorm. Maybe they don't have the courage to write them out, but God bless me, I have~~

  

到现在还没能睡觉，纯粹是电脑和我过不去。我怎么那么笨~~整了一个晚上想从寄托上下一个KAPLAN的模考软件，虚拟光驱也装了，iso文件也弄好了，他妈的就是打不开~~~我怎么这么笨~~~这么简单的事情都做不好~~~真他妈的没活头了~~~

      我刷到了托福的考位，就在刚才，6月9号～

      Now, since the deadline is there, I know perfectly well what I should Do~ sometimes I kind of believe that it is God that arranges this whole thing~because he wants me to know happiness never comes easily~~there is always struggles~

 

       Now, from this moment, nothing is going to need my attention, but my gole~~I know it is going to be perfect~~for myself~

      Well, I don't know how to put the title into English, so I'd better use the Chinese version~~well, another thing just pop up in my mind: when people in the states do not use English to write their space, am i being a little bit showing off? maybe not showing off, just uncomfortable~~  

      recently fallen in love with this sign "~~~"

 

      Ok, back to the topic~~

      Just now I went to another interview, a simplest one. We only need to give a self-introduction. I know probablly I have got this job, although they did not tell us the result. I see the interviewer write something besides my application when I am talking. well, maybe he just wrote "she is very bad"~~ who knows?~~I have done my best~~ however there ARE a few things which I can improve in my later career.

 

       First, perhaps if I emphasize "ATTITUDE" in my application, it will seem more convincing~~; and I could slow down a little bit to make my words fully understood by the interviewer. Fluency in English is one thing while clearly present my idea is another thing~~

       Besides, I made a very awful mistake, I guess. I did not look at the interviewer when I was giving my introduction. Well, there are two interviewers sitting in front of me. I look at each person for a few seconds then swiched my eyes towads another person. That was bad~~I shoud have found out who was in charge of the whole thing, who held the decision when I first saw them then constantly made eye-contact with The person~~

       But there are a few things I did well. I am humourous when I presented myself. And one important thing was I made good preparation for this interview. Last night, when my classmate told me there was going to be an interview today, I knew I need to prepare for this a litttle bit. Alought the teacher in charge of this did not mention anything particular, but I conceived at least one self-introduction is inevitable. and I did well. See? Now I am doing good than some of the other applicants.

        If you truely want to do something you need to prepare for it~~~

everybody wishes me good~

I don't know maybe I am going to take the tofel test on June 9th. I don't know but there is one thing for sure. I am going ot be ready by that time~~

so everybody wishes me good.

hope I can get the sit, which i guess, has a big chance~~

tomorrow there's a French test, I hate French. I don't why English is so easy for me when French is just so strange for me.

tomorrow afternoon i may begin to prepare for the academic thesis. my topic is  "Mark Twain's deep concern for the human society in Huckleberry Finn" Hah, don't be scared~~~I am an English major, I study LITERATURE~~~

so just everybody wishes me good~~~maybe there's a surprise for all of you~~

      结束了五一的长假，没什么特别的事情。再一次印证了自己的是个不会享受生活的人，或许是根本就不会生活。因为，玩乐的时间总是太少～～

      五月一号，家里新丁满月，女孩儿，长的像爸爸，which is a big upset for me~~吃饭的时候，意外的在饭店碰到了丹丹的亲戚，哎～～缘分呐～～～

                   老人过生日，爸爸的朋友的爸爸，多大岁数生日具体不知道，不过肯定算是高寿了～到自己老的时候还能儿女亲朋一起过生日，就挺幸福的～～

      五月三号，指导即将毕业的弟弟报志愿，得出的结论就是，北京的孩子嘛，干吗往外跑？～咱有优势咱不利用，那不是得不偿失么？

      五月五号，回到学校～～

      五月六号，看病。过敏弄的我几乎不能睡觉，不能正常呼吸～～

      五月七号，上了一天的自习，协和的药还是挺管用的～～

 

      像记流水账似的，没什么特别好玩儿的，所以我说我不会享受生活，五一几天，天气那么好，而我竟然没出去玩儿，真是罪恶～～

      七月份的时候，准备考托福，昨天的阅读，很是打击我，没有放假之前做的好，如果像昨天那样，那个分数就真悬了～～

       考完托福，如果成绩让我满意，我会去南方待一段时间，有几个地方必须要去看看，然后开始准备该准备的事情～～～

       看吧，我说我不是一个会生活的人～～

      一直没有时间来说，祝贺姐姐考上了协和的研究生。别的我也不说什么了，考研实在是一个很艰苦的事情，尤其对于她来说，毕业直接考研在医学系统里几乎就是不可能的，当然除非你是第一名。

      很开心，很开心，姐姐考上了协和的研究生。

      接下来就轮到我了，不论是出国还是考研，同样都要是最好的。

      We can't get a C, because We are A students.

 

What is love for a school girl?

What’s the hardest thing on the earth for one to deal with? I say emotions. To be more accurate, it is love that makes one exhausted. I still don’t know what love is for me. But subconsciously I have always dreamed about a perfect love or even eager for it, although I refuse to admit.

When I was five years old in the kindergarten, I was thought to be the smartest girl in the whole class, and there was a boy who was also very brilliant. Both of us were favored very much by our teachers. At that time, a proud girl like me looked down upon other kids, but he seemed to be the only boy who could match me in my eyes. I kept this as a little secret in my heart.

There were six girls about my age in my neighborhood. The eldest was 8 and I was the youngest. Big girls always talked about those handsome guys in their classes mysteriously; but I was seldom given the chance to talk. They thought I was far from being able to understand their little talks. So once when our leader, the eldest girl, asked each of us to tell a secret, they were all very surprised that there was a he in my life. I didn’t expect them to pay so much attention on my case, but they did. One day, the eldest, on behalf of our little team, even invited him to join us in a game called “Guo JiaJia” together. It was an imitation game in which we acted as if we were the parents and imitated what a normal family life should be. We even had a doll be our imaginary child. Later in that happy afternoon they arranged a “wedding” for me and the boy. On that wedding, I sat on two other girls’ arms which stretched together to form a “Jiao Zi” that is used to take the bride to her husband’s home in ancient China’s weddings. And so I married him without even asking the permission of the poor boy but forced him to say “I love you”.

It was only several children’s play but remained my sweetest memory for a long time. However, sweet feelings always went away sooner or later. We were put in the same class again in the primary school but we were not fond of each other any more, to be more accurate, I was not fond of him any longer! Unfortunately, jealousy always controlled my behavior. One day when I was told that he was going to a girl’s home for lunch. I rushed to that house and persuaded him to leave.

“An elegant, noble man will never break into other’s house! And you are a good pupil……”

 I used as many awkward words as I could which I had only heard from the adults’ without knowing the meaning at all to make me sound reasonable. The poor boy judged I was quite right since I used so many big words. Finally he went back home as I planned. Actually I did not know why I had done so since where he went for lunch had nothing to do with me and I did not like him any more. But I just did and I had the feeling that someone I could not have could not belong to others either.

My life in the primary school went quickly and happily with other boys and many other stories happened to me. But none of them left me the same deep impression as my first Mr. Right. In a twelve-year-old girl’s eyes, love seemed to be sweet and unforgettable.

With the missing of that sweet memory, I entered my junior high school. It was almost a prefect three-year junior high school life except for a period of failed relationship.

It was my second year. One day I received a ring made of glass from a boy in my class. He said he liked me very much. My mind reeled at the very beginning. I don’t know why he was fond of me. Maybe because my grade was the highest in the whole class; or perhaps as the class monitor I could manage the class very well. I really didn’t know. But I did realize I was very excited then. So excited that I forgot most of the boys preferred little birds rather than superwoman—— who liked to control everything. I hadn’t been really loved or even liked by a boy, so I really expected a lot from this relationship. However, my eagerness seemed to scare this poor guy away.

One day after school, we were going back home together with several other classmates. As we were talking happily, one of the girls asked him to put a book into her backpack. I was already unhappy about that: why she couldn’t ask other girls to do that for her? Why only him? But I did not say anything. Instead I continued to talk with others as if I didn’t care about it at all. However I couldn’t keep my eves from glancing at them. He was so clumsy that he could not even open the zipper. After a while which seemed to be a very long time for me she grabbed the book back giggling to him “couldn’t be more stupid!” And what’s more, he was even smiling at her too! Why he smiled? Did he like her too? He couldn’t have done that! I stared at him with anger in my eyes.

Later I began to express my hatred obviously whenever he behaved too close to the other girls. I stopped him every time he talked with other girls happily; I could keep in silence in front of him for a whole day only because he praised another girl before me. I knew I was acting too strong at that time. But jealousy was just like a fire burned deep in my heart that I could not hold but let it out. So the fondness turned to hatred quickly. At the peak of our bad relations, I didn’t know whether it was a coincidence or not, my head teacher asked me to sit beside him. Then what we had gone through during the following days was what you could imagine: we did not look at each other at all not mentioned speak. I was really sad about our present situation. I was even weeping at one class, silently. However our relationship did become better later because he needed my answer in the exam. Here life, for the first time, told me that knowledge was power. I still remembered this. It was my first time to have my tears dropped for a boy after all. For a junior high school girl, it turned out that love could be tears.

After three-year junior high school life, I was elected from 2500 students as the only one who was accepted by the high school afflicted to Renmin University of China. This was a very excellent high school, perhaps the best in this whole country. I have made up my mind to be myself, and put all of my attention on my study. And I did well. I lived my life in my way. But sometimes it was just far from enough to only manage yourself well. Something would surely happen no matter what.

We were standing outside the computer lab waiting for our Planet English course when one of the boys came to me with an awkward smile, saying “Hi, Shen said he would like compete with Yan for Gao Shan.” I was surprised at that time and got a little bit nervous. So I said “There are many people in the world named Gao Shan”. Hearing this, the boy just turned back and went to Shen, as if telling him what I had just said. Then Shen came to me with a strange expression on his face and walked pass me silently.

I didn’t care. I didn’t want to begin a relationship yet.

The next day my roommate, who sat just in front of Shen, told me mysteriously that Shen told her he had found there was a line written “I love you Gao Shan” on the back of her chair. My roommate guessed it was Shen who wrote that line. I felt very ridiculous and annoyed. Boys just liked to play tricks on girls and disturbed my normal routine life. I still did not pay much attention to this. I didn’t care whether there was some guy really fond of me. I would just go on with my life.

The third day, Ms Sun, our English teacher’s assistant was organizing a game on the platform. Anyone who finished reading one paragraph could have the chance to call any other students’ number to keep this game continues. Almost everyone knew my student number because my number was NO.1. To my very surprise Shen spoke out my student number after he finished his paragraph. I didn’t know how I was going on my paragraph but felt a big flush on my face. “You did it on purpose, aren’t you?” a ripple of laughter was raised from the other boys.

It was Shen! He said he wanted to compete for me. He probably wrote that line. Now he called my student number deliberately! It was from that very moment as I sat down I felt there would no longer be peace in my heart. Was he really fond of me? Or he just wanted to disturb my life as a joke? Why he was doing this to me?

I could feel my heart beating hardly the whole morning. But fortunately it was Friday, I said to myself. I needed the weekend to calm myself down. A new Monday came. We should have the national-flag rising ceremony on every Monday. Each class would stand in two lines, boys a line and girls a line. Surprisingly he just changed his position with the boy beside me thus gained a chance to talk with me as we were standing together. Strangely I can not remember a single word about what he had said, but the sweet feeling did appear in my mind from now and then. After this ceremony, in stead of calming myself down, I knew probably I have already began to like him. However what on earth attracted me still confused me till now. Perhaps my eager of being loved could explain something.

Then in the following few weeks time just eclipsed happily in a special atmosphere—— we didn’t talk too much. But I thought he liked me and he could tell I had good feeling about him too. However, happy days could not last long——It almost became a common sense. I found him kept good relationships with many other girls. Of course I was unhappy. So I refused to even look at him. But two days later, when I finally felt the punishment was enough I found our relationship had gone. At that time I didn’t know he had already put his focus on another girl. I felt very depressed when he deliberately moved his face away as I saw him, which almost made my heart broken. I wanted to ask him what the matter was. If he refused to talk to me any more, then what it was when he tried every means to attract my attention? Was it really a joke？Did he think that I was such an awful girl that he wanted to play a trick on? I really wanted to know and I deserved an answer. But my pride forbade me to do so. It was already a shame being dumped. How could I go for him again to seek for a vague answer? Over is over; Finished is finished. I didn’t care and it wouldn’t and it couldn’t hurt me too much… I was beginning to take an extreme method to help me leave him behind: I refused to look at him no matter what situation it was although sometimes it would be awkward. As such, I packed my emotion quickly and went on. Love, for a senior high school girl who faced heavy study pressure meant to forget.

What is love? I guess it is an eternal topic. And the answer varies among the different individuals. For me, a school girl, love is the mixture of sweetness, sorrows give-up, and moving on. One can have no much confidence in people but he should always have confidence in love. Maybe I have never loved any man before but fell in love with love itself.

      按说女人应该了解女人，然后充满了理解，可是，就在刚才，在我看完一个好朋友的页面之后，就怎么觉得那么的不舒服？女孩子难道一定要装，才可爱么？多好的一个女孩儿啊，怎么变成这样儿了。我知道，也理解，完全赞同，每个女人在感情上都是自私的，自私的想要吃着碗里的，看着锅里的，这一点甚至比男生还甚，这倒不是因为我们有多情，多么的不专一，主要是我们天生爱慕虚荣。可是，能不能在有了男朋友就把这一切都抛开呢，能不能专心一些呢？能不能自己是什么样子，就什么样子？不要装春青装可爱装艺术装气质呢？！这样的女人，让我厌恶。当然，我厌恶又能怎么样？！

      不得不说，这两天有些心浮气躁，该说的不该说的全说，这一点，我在这个地方已经说过很多次了，还是不长记性！别太把自己当根葱，你以为你是谁啊？！你凭什么对人家指指点点啊？！作为朋友，该说到地说到了就行了，近近关心之意，表示一下，面子上过得去就得了！说那么多也不管用，干吗呢这是？犯得着么我？！别别人溅，你跟着也犯溅！！！

      面对自己基本上不可能喜欢上的人，愣是不给人家一句准话儿，说什么，我现在虽然不喜欢你，可是今后的事情谁知道啊？！没错，你说的是实话，可是，在感情这件事上，你能不能稍微负点责任？！你敢说你说这句话的时候80%的考虑不是为自己找退路么？不喜欢就干脆的拒绝人家，别老那未来说事，不明不白的给人希望，骑驴找马固然没错，但你毕竟还在这追求爱情的纯真年代，别还没给出第一次呢，就让别人说你是荡妇。

      也不知道自己今天是怎么了，这么大的火气？从下午就开始了，一直心里就憋屈着，大概有要经历一个阶段了。

      我今天写的这个东西，措词可能比较严厉，也欠考虑。谁要是看了，觉得我实在说她，我劝你别来问我；不心虚也别好奇打听；要是心虚觉得我骂的就是你，那我就是在说你呢！

      长久以来，一直抵触看中文的电影，可能是看得太少了吧，以至于渐渐得真地认为中文的电影不好看。但是，近期确有两部电影，国产电影让我开始改变这一想法了：“云水遥”“爱情呼叫转移”。不得不承认，第二部电影得益于片委曲，couldn't be more beautiful.

      与其说是觊觎天使某天真地可以帮助我们找到另一半，不如说是每个人心中都有这样的一个天使。追求爱情的机会每个人都会有，任何的爱情，只是要看自己是不适合,能不能把握。如果只要萍水相逢的一夜之欢，那固然是简单而潇洒，但是，长久了之后，会不会觉得怅然若失和淡淡的孤独？我不要这样的生活。

      不要太贪心，如果说眼下的这个很适合自己，那么就真真正正的开始一段，全心全意地投入一番，也许最后结果不是如我们想象的一样，但是为了我们所爱的人，值得！

      最近小蝎子喜欢上了不该喜欢的人，也许只是crush，但是谁能阻止crush 变成fond, 变成like, 变成love?!我不知道该怎么解释，我已经进了我的全力，现在想起来，真的，也许是耳边音乐的原因，就觉得有些心酸，要什么办法才能让一颗眼看就要受伤害的心觉醒过来呢？

      小蝎子，不管你经历了什么？！whatever is going to happen, be brave and persistent~~~

 

     如果不曾爱你，我不会失去自己。

     像是在把找不到自己的责任推卸到别人的身上，一如既往地倔强，一如既往不知道什么样子的伪装才最适合自己，装可爱还是装个性？！

     太多时候，喜欢胡思乱想一阵，然后把结果记录下来，没有人会知道究竟是怎样才作了这个决定，没有人知道为这，蝎子做出了什么样的牺牲，没有人知道蝎子都经历过什么，才到了现在这一步。现在，我不怪任何人，没有人是完美的，自古以来就有鱼与熊掌不可兼得的道理，只是这在别人眼里也许根本不会成为矛盾的双方，在我这里，却像是那么的不可调和。

     不要把什么事情都看得那么认真，以免浪费了自己的感情。要看到自己和别人的不同，要认识到自己最缺乏的东西。

     现在写的东西，感觉似乎是越来越含蓄，不是在刻意隐瞒什么，而是说了，也没有谁能真正读懂。曾经错以为有个人可以有这样的魔力，当一切都成为过眼云烟之后才发现，自己永远都是一个人，（写到这句话的时候，突然想到了我亲爱的丹丹，我知道我永远不是一个人, whenever and wherever i go, i know she is my person.）这就是真正的友情，不是所有人在这个世界上都能幸运的找到的。

     要执著，不要对所有的事情都牵肠挂肚，I will try my best and do everything i can, every means, to make my dream come true. maybe when i achieve what i really desire now, i will find all these things are vague. but i still need to taste it before i say it's meaningless. nothing gonna stop me! nothing!

      一旦做了决定，就要努力的去实行，不要管着接下来等待我的将是些什么。很难说，现在所做出的是不是一个盲目的决定，因为可以说是我自己决定下来的。没有和太多人进行商量，现在想起来也还是会觉得有些底气不足，但是，既然决定了，就不要去想太多。尽管向前冲好了，面对也许时间会不够用，也许到头来可能什么也没有得到，都没有关系，都没有关系，我知道我这次就这么决定了，就没有退路！

      in the movie it spells the word happiness into happyness, i don't know why! i guess maybe because the letter y, if you write it in another way, it looks like a dancing person with his hands waving in the air happily! i don't know~~

      明天就要开学了，虽然还都没有正式的上课，可是心里总有一种感觉，接下来的一个学期，会过得非常的快~~~不知道~~~不知道~~~

      今天去买了新的键盘，还有新的光驱，感觉非常的舒服，这样的话，会让我再一次爱上打字的~~

      刚才有个很奇怪的qq号加我，8位的，不知道是谁，算了，不管了~~~~

      哈哈，没什么想说的了，也许过两天，会给大家一个惊喜~~~

 

 

 

      昨天欺负我好姐妹的色狼，你他妈的不是人，你断子绝孙！

      今天下午在班上打女生的那个二外的男生，我日你十八代祖宗！！！

      今天是混沌的一天，早晨的10点的时候被叫到钓鱼台准备接待任务，接电话的时候忘了看表，胡乱的答应人家11点的时候可以到，挂下电话发现只得搭车，谁能想到竟又在门口，寒风中等了那位大仙40分钟；忘了问对方的联系方式，至使我们只能傻等着。然后陪着人家看会场，少说话多看是我今天的原则，做到了，确实有很多可以学习的东西。而我的那位搭档就性格和我完全不一样，很喜欢说，一开始的时候我还觉得她这样不够稳重，到现在，稍有改观。下午的时候，搭档去接机，我由于在面试的时候是唯一一位有笔译经验的人，所以被派去翻译中方领导人的讲话稿，很是头疼，一大串的头衔。不过还好，鉴于我还算丰富的翻译经验和超强的搜索资料的能力，几乎一个不差，全部找到了官方的翻法。对于自己今天业务方面的表现，我还是比较满意的。虽然在今天下午的时候有点不想干了，静不下心，觉得有点大材小用，可其实，我有什么材？能有个机会用用就不错了。我始终告诉自己要保持一名专业翻译的水准，不能让对方看出我还是个学生，尤其我要和合作方在一起工作的时候，所以我今天刻意很少说话，一方面也是因为我确实知道的不多，而且行业方面的东西，不知道哪些说漏了嘴，就属于claasified material。

      今天让我最不好舒服的就是，我一直都很混沌，不知道自己在扮演着什么样的角色。明明在面试的时候说是陪同翻译，可是在介绍自己的时候却又不能说是自己是interpretor，要说成是personal assisstance. 这让我很难把持一个度，我这个人还是太死板，如果自己没有一个清晰的定位，就会让我非常地不舒服。现在还是希望别人能告诉我，我到底是一个什么样的身份，但其实，要慢慢的机灵起来，自己去寻找那个位置。尤其是做翻译，要有很强的professtionalism，有些事情对于翻译来讲就是不能做的，都是一些不成文的规定。可是，我现在还是一名新手，甚至还不能说进入了这个市场，仍旧在市场的边缘徘徊着。我不知道具体那些时候是不需要我做的，哪些要求是我可以提出来的，我应该在怎样维护自己的利益。这些我都不知道，所以今天，就是他们让我做什么我就做什么，少说多看多做，绝不多说半句。

      而我的那位搭档就完全不一样，我晚上赶到北京饭店的时候，觉得她似乎和我们的美方代表已经很熟悉了，作为一个personal assisstance，而且又是服务于自己人，理应就像一家人一样，亲热一些的，不必过于拘束于礼节。只是有些时候我觉得她问得问题有些让人摸不着头脑，似乎对方的CEO刹那间变成了她联系口语的对象，我不知道我的态度时候应该在放松一些，反正有些问题到现在，刚接触了两个小时，我应该是不会问的。随后，她留下来陪外宾和中国区的代表吃饭去了，我一个人回来了，当时有些失落。为什么留下来的人是她啊？！长得没有我漂亮，口语也没有我说的好。可能是因为先前是她去接机的缘故吧，她性格又那么容易让人亲近，所以吃饭这种场合，人又不多，她应该是比较合适的。不过说实在的，我是真的不太想留下来，已经很累了。当老总一个电话把我从四道口拎到北京饭店的时候，我就觉得是他在充分利用他付给我的工资，绝对不能白便宜了我，所以往狠了里使。这也就是我不明白的地方，是因为我初出茅庐什么都不知道的缘故么？我们最起码应该在每天最开始的时候就要把一切的工作都说好，虽说我不是什么大牌的翻译，但是咱们毕竟要有专业精神。今天该完成什么工作，就是什么工作，多出来的要单说了。可是因为我是新手，没有经验，不知道那个度在那里，在那里应该提出自己的要求？什么样的要求是合理的，而不是让人觉得没头没脑。

      明天很有可能还好去最后核对一下，我觉得我还是要去，谁让这个工作一开始是我做的呢？做人，做事，要有始有终。这个很重要。明天一定要确定一下以后是否要每天都去，让我也踏实一下。